It was the winter of 2021 when I embarked on a memorable cross-country trip through the United States with two friends. In the car, there was a New Yorker who was no stranger to harsh snowstorms, a Floridian who had little experience with snow, and me, a Canadian who, despite being very familiar with snow, found myself in unfamiliar territory. Little did I know that this journey would teach me profound lessons about survival mode.
The journey began in high spirits, but as we drove through Texas and New Mexico, we encountered unexpected snowfall, forcing us to navigate through a treacherous whiteout. Ironically, our planned route (66) was meant to lead us southwards towards California, aiming to avoid any encounters with snow. But fate had different plans for us as the weather took a turn for the worse. In a true test of endurance, we found ourselves driving through a relentless snowstorm.
The only way forward was to focus on the immediate 5 meters ahead.
In the pitch-black night, the freeway offered no illumination beyond the reach of our car’s high beams, making visibility nearly impossible. With trucks speeding past us, cascading even more snow on our windshield, I took the wheel, determined to keep the car on course. The only way forward was to focus on the immediate 5 meters ahead. For hours, we pressed on, and I concentrated solely on making it through one stretch at a time. This intense experience on that snowy freeway became a metaphor for my entire life, as I realized I had been in survival mode since birth.
My early life was marked by hardship, having grown up in poverty as part of a refugee family. Then, at the young age of 22, I found myself entangled in a challenging "modern" arranged marriage. Although I managed to break free through a divorce at 25, difficulties seemed to be a recurring theme in my journey. Undeterred, I chose to follow my passion for art and embraced my creativity wholeheartedly. Immersing myself in the world of an artist, I willingly faced the financial struggles that came with it for years. Perhaps naively, I often disregarded valuable advice, determined to carve my own path in pursuit of my dreams.
As time went on, I managed to find some stability and healing through therapy and creating a secure environment for myself. Eventually, I found a safe and nurturing relationship. Feeling ready to pursue my greatest dream of becoming a mother, I was overjoyed to discover that I was pregnant. However, the journey of motherhood unexpectedly threw me back into survival mode, but this time, it was on a very physical and literal level.
The journey of motherhood unexpectedly threw me back into survival mode, but this time, it was on a very physical and literal level.
Day after day, I found myself in a persistent struggle as pregnancy sickness and exhaustion sapped every ounce of my strength. It felt like enduring weeks of continuous food poisoning, caught in an unending cycle of sleep, eat, and vomit. The memories of that snowy road trip came rushing back, as if echoing the lessons learned during those challenging hours. In the midst of my pregnancy, I was once again reminded of the importance of taking life one day at a time. The journey became a poignant reminder to release my grip on control, to welcome uncertainty with open arms, and to cherish each precious moment that unfolded.
Whenever my capitalistic brain would tempt me to worry about work, money, and future plans, I would gently place my hand on my heart and remind myself, “I am making a baby, I am creating life.” This mantra anchored me in faith and reality, prioritizing the precious life growing within me over everything else. As weeks and months passed, I discovered the power of living in the present, without being overwhelmed by the uncertainties ahead. Just like that unforgettable snow night, I am navigating through my pregnancy with newfound wisdom – embracing faith, presence, and the beauty of the journey itself.
Through survival mode, I’ve learned that there is no need to rush or obsess about the destination.
Through survival mode, I’ve learned that there is no need to rush or obsess about the destination. Life’s path may be unpredictable, but finding peace and strength one day at a time is key to enduring life’s storms. The lessons from that snowy road trip and my subsequent pregnancy journey became a testament to my ability to embrace life’s journey with courage and grace.