Dear Men, Patriarchy Failed You Too
How "Boys don't cry" harmed men during their formative years.
Dear Men,
Patriarchy failed you too.
It's often assumed that patriarchy only harms women, but in reality, patriarchy’s impact extends beyond gender stereotypes and disadvantages for women. It affects men as well, including the pressures to adhere to specific ideals of masculinity, the suppression of emotional expression, limited life choices, and the perpetuation of mental health stigma.
The Complex Origins of Patriarchy
Patriarchy isn't a phenomenon that materialized overnight. It evolved over thousands of years in tandem with the development of human societies. The process was marked by the transition from hunter-gatherer societies to agricultural communities approximately 10,000 years ago. This shift introduced the concept of property ownership, leading to wealth accumulation and the establishment of hierarchical systems that favored men in leadership roles.
As societies became more structured, cultural and religious beliefs also played a role in shaping gender dynamics. Myths and narratives were created to reinforce the notion of male dominance, further justifying unequal power dynamics. These stories laid the foundation for the gradual entrenchment of patriarchal norms.
Challenges and Setbacks Faced by Men
The failures of patriarchy become starkly evident when we examine how it restricts and constrains the lives of men. One significant issue is the enforced emotional suppression that patriarchy imposes, promoting a stoic and emotionally detached demeanor while discouraging vulnerability and expressions of sadness. This dynamic makes it challenging for men to forge deep emotional connections, seek assistance for mental health struggles, or authentically share their feelings.
Adding to these challenges is mental health stigmas instilled around men seeking mental health support, which has led many to be hesitant in seeking help for conditions like anxiety and depression. This not only leaves mental health problems untreated but also contributes to reduced overall well-being.
Furthermore, societal pressure compels men to reject interests or activities labeled as "feminine", stifling creativity and robbing them of exposure to diverse experiences. This narrow self-expression limits avenues for self-discovery and pushes men further into unhealthy narratives around being the breadwinner. They’re discouraged from actively participating in caregiving and domestic responsibilities, which in turn hinders their full engagement in family life and their contributions to childcare.
Moreover, the pressure to succeed within the confines of patriarchal norms adds another layer of challenge. Men often grapple with the weight of expectations to excel in their careers and provide financially for their families. This pressure leads to stress, burnout, and feelings of inadequacy, linking their self-worth to their productivity.
Patriarchy's association with violence and aggression compounds these issues. Aggression and violence are normalized as means of asserting dominance, fostering unhealthy coping mechanisms that contribute to cycles of violence and conflict. Equally noteworthy is how patriarchy restricts men's options for healthy relationships. Men are expected to be dominant and in control. These expectations limit their ability to establish healthy, equal partnerships founded on mutual respect and understanding.
Finally, patriarchal norms hinder the development of broader emotional support networks for men. The societal expectation that men should primarily rely on romantic partners for emotional support obstructs the creation of more diverse and robust support systems. (Pillow talk isn’t enough fellas.)
These challenges, ranging from emotional suppression to limited relationship options, underscore the urgent need to challenge and transform patriarchal norms. Men must be empowered to express themselves authentically, pursue their aspirations freely, and nurture fulfilling relationships without being confined by rigid gender expectations. This transformation is essential for fostering more inclusive, equitable, and supportive environments.
Annoyances and Concerns
From a woman’s perspective, the frustration that stems from men embracing patriarchal attitudes revolves around a range of behaviors. These include the dismissal of women's opinions, lack of empathy, assumption of superiority, control over decisions, expectations of submission, double standards, unwillingness to learn, micro-aggressions, insensitive language, and neglect of emotional labor.
Central to these attitudes is the act of mansplaining, where men condescendingly explain things to women, assuming their lack of understanding. This act serves as a stark representation of the power dynamic perpetuated by patriarchal beliefs, asserting that men inherently possess more knowledge and authority.
Addressing these concerns requires challenging and dismantling patriarchal norms, while fostering environments of equality, respect, and understanding for individuals of all genders and identities. It's important to remember that these concerns don't apply to all men, nor do all women share the same perspectives. (In fact, some women embrace patriarchy more than men but we’ll leave that for another letter.)
Ultimately, both men and women suffer from the effects of patriarchal norms. By confronting these norms and striving for more inclusive perspectives, we can create a society where everyone is free to express themselves, pursue their interests, and seek support without being constrained by rigid gender expectations.
Sincerely,
Yeldā